It’s all about getting the killPosted: April 15, 2013
With the previous weekend’s shit behind us, our guild has killed two new bosses in the past eight days. As I mentioned last week, Horridon fell on the 7th, and last night, Council of Elders bit the big one after about an hour and a half of progressively better attempts.
It was fun to be a part of, from the perspective that it was akin to experiences I’ve had playing the guitar. When I’m learning a particularly interesting song/riff, I can see it begin to come together with some patience and practice, as muscle memory builds and the passage begins to sound musical. This was what it was like in last night’s raid.
We worked hard to kill Sul before he had a chance to be empowered. We fought through Kazra’jin and his dickish reflective damage. We got a feel for what it took to keep the Loa Spirits from healing bosses. And we made it farther in, and then we finally killed them all. It was very rewarding, and the team is feeling more confident now.
A couple of boss kills will do that!
The experience was bittersweet for me, though. I spent the last couple of minutes lifeless on the ground on our kill attempt. I made one deadly mistake – I let myself get too close to the priest when she was empowered, and I got gibbed by a Shadowed Loa Spirit before I could even think to move. It was one of those ‘lapse of attention’ things, but since I wasn’t expecting it, I wasn’t thinking of reacting with a quick Disengage. And when I did finally hit the Disengage button… nothing happened, because the game was already telling me that I had died and could release if I wanted to, except that that button didn’t work yet either, blah blah…
Aside from that, things couldn’t have been better. The hunter helm dropped, so I broke my T14 two-piece and shed some excess Hit Rating (finally!). The boss(es) dropped, and we can now presumably work on Tortos. All good things, for certain.
But, I’ll be honest and say for the record that when Squido said, as someone was rezzing me, “that’s a nice hunter hat,” I didn’t want it.
I spent the last two minutes of the fight angry that I had made that mistake. Because the second worst thing* that can happen in that situation is being the one who didn’t do his job. And for the third ‘first kill’ of this tier – out of three total – I was eating dirt while the rest of the team finished the encounter.
*The worst thing would be failing to do one’s job, being the reason the final attempt for the week failed, and hearing the raid leader say, “ok, great job tonight, we’ll try this one again next week.”
So I was angry. I took the helm, of course, because there’s no better use for it than to give it to someone who can use it, but I personally felt that I didn’t deserve it.
I write a lot about gear on this blog. It’s very self-centered writing – not much help to others, no guides – but I like gear. I like acquiring gear, earning gear, crafting gear; figuring out which pieces are better upgrades, even doing math and analysis on occasion in order to come to the raid prepared in that respect, leaving no stone un-turned. Obviously, I’m into gear.
But it’s not about the gear. As much as I enjoy that aspect of the game, it’s about having fun and killing bosses. It’s about making progress, and ten people coming together like ten fingers on two hands, working in concert to make a beautiful piece of music come to life.
And being the person who’s laying dead on the ground on kills like this because I make mistakes really gnaws at me. Because it could just as easily have been the ‘worst case scenario’ that I described above, and I don’t want to be the person who makes that difference (negatively). But the facts are:
1) I was dead when we killed Jin’rokh for the first time (got stunned by the final Thundering Throw while being too near a Lightning Fissure, in my attempt to get the water buff as soon as possible. My bad,)
2) I was dead when we killed Horridon for the first time (misdirected War-god Jalak without actually using my Misdirect ability. Bam. My bad.)
3) I was dead when we killed Council for the first time (see above) (aand my bad).
Appendix: I also died on our first kills of Zor’lok and Blade Lord, for that matter, although I can’t claim fault on those. They were situations where healers were overwhelmed/dead (Blade Lord wind-gauntlet) or mind controlled/dead (Zor’lok), and I died. Those things just tend to happen, so those didn’t irritate me quite like this does.
For as many pulls as we did on each of these bosses before getting each first kill, I made the big mistake on the one where the boss died. Each time. I’m 3-for-3 in that department.
I’m not sure whether to think it’s just coincidence, or… what to think. I’m trying not to think too negatively about my own performance. Council is something of a complex fight until Sul dies, so there’s that… and I felt that I played well on however many attempts we did previous to our successful one, for the most part. I guess I can’t reasonably carry any stigma of “well, Mushan, you sucked on every attempt/sucked in general.”
I’m just feeling deeply chagrined; feeling some self-loathing about my play. I’m still shaking my head about it today, some 18 hours after the kill. I am very proud of my friends, but for the second week in a row, I had to watch them do the heavy work. It vexes me, and I hope to find a way to stop it from happening at some point soon. I think we’re going to kill more bosses, and I want to be alive so that I can jump up and down in celebration when we get the kills. The scenario I described from last night was just weird.
Self-deprecatingly, I thought of myself: “You died, but you’re a lucky motherf—-r, so here’s a nice hat you can wear while you’re dead on the next fight.” Know what I mean?
I’ve got to let this go. I think this is leading me to another post – a more hunter-ish post; a less want-to-hit-myself-in-the-eye-with-a-hammer-ish post.
After all, dying on a successful guild first is a heck of a lot better than being the last one alive on a wipe. It’s all about the team, and it’s all about killing
internet dragons trolls. :)
Thanks for reading this evacuation by Mushan at Mushan, Etc. Comments are welcome.